Sextra: She’s A Very Freaky Girl … Almost Too Freaky!!

Hello Bossip I would love a third party opinion on this. I am a 33year old southern boy and I spent most of my time in the church and playing sports growing up. This was my mom and dad’s way of keeping me and my brothers out of the streets. I lived a very sheltered life and didn’t really know how much my parents sacrificed until I came of age myself. I am the middle child and I was always a little different from my brothers. Out of the three of us, I was the only one to get a full academic scholarship to a university out of state and my brothers got partial athletics. I have an appreciation for the arts and people who make a way for themselves using their own creative thoughts. I like to think I’m a little more well rounded as in, not as macho. I moved to New York City (Harlem) about two years ago and I met this beautiful brown skinned woman who grew up outside the city. She’s very poised, exposed and worldly. She plays the violin and piano, speaks a second language (french) and took off to the French countryside after she dropped out of college and stayed for three years. She’s definitely a free spirit and I admire so many things about her. I believe that she’s mostly attracted to my stability and need for structure. The difference in dynamics work until we get to the sexual realm of our relationship. I feel that certain things are unsavory and unnecessary. When we are intimate she says filthy things that don’t turn me on at all. She wants me to choke her and slap her across her face and she’s very into public indecency. For example we were driving to New Jersey to see some of my old friends and she forcibly hooked me up while I was driving. I can admit that I was intrigued by this at first, but it’s a little too much for my taste. I know that her time in France probably has a lot to do with the sense of sexual liberation but there’s a time and place for everything….I feel. Before you hand me my face from the floor I must say that I’m not a prude or scared of an aggressive woman. I’m just a guy who loves intimacy and feeling a deep closeness with my woman without the extra stuff. I think it’s takes something meaningful away from the connection. Is this going to be a problem in the future or is this something that can be worked on?

Good day to you, sir! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story! Awe, you sound like a lot of womans’ romantic daydream! On the other hand, your girl sounds like a lot of mens’ wet dream. And, once again, the theory of opposites attract is proven to be as true as the sky is blue! Different people have different ways of expressing their love and affection. So, there’s really nothing more to it than differences in preferences and character. You said yourself that you’re more structured and she’s more free-spiritied, so in essence, the two of you are like night and day. And you can’t have one without other, right? So, with balance, it seems like your relationship can be promising if the two of your are willing to bend a little. She sounds, as you say, “well rounded” enough to understand where you’re coming from with out taking offense.

From what you’ve written, your lady has a bit of a wild side that you’re uncomfortable with – and rightfully so! Some of what you’ve described can get you in a lot of trouble and no man wants trouble with the “them boys” if it can be avoided! If you haven’t already, you should open up the topic for discussion. Let her know what’s a little too much for you, what you could used to with a little time and patience and, finally, what you’re absolutely not willing to tolerate. If you feel like her freakishness is getting in the way of the intimacy you’d like to share with her, don’t hesitate to tell her! If you don’t know how, then find out from her what would be the best way to initiate the closeness you’re looking for – intimacy does not come easy to everyone because it requires some vulnerability exposure. Maybe all it will take is you saying what’s on your mind for her to open up to you in that way. She simply may not know how! But you will never know until you have the conversation!

Here’s what deal, everybody knows that communication is the single most important element to any functional relationship and you must realize that saying what’s on your mind and in your heart is not an option. Your expectations and needs should be made clear and then you should leave room for compromise. This goes both ways. You might learn something about yourself that you might not have ever considered. The point of togetherness is give and take and, most importantly, self-awareness – which is a springboard for learning more about yourself and how to best apply it to your life and someone else’s. Your girl being a freak isn’t really a dealbreaker, is it? Especially if the rest of your relationship with her is solid, so there’s definitely a way around it, right? But you must open your mouth and put it out there. If she’s as invested as you are, then the problem will solve itself with time! Communication is key, sir! Communication is key! Best of luck to you!

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